pontmercyanide: some flowers just arrived for my sister but my mom thought they were for me. and so she asked if they were from henry and of course i asked what the hell she was talking about and she was like “henry, the boy you’re always talking about.” she meant henry david thoreau. i quote henry david thoreau so much my mom thought henry david thoreau was my boyfriend
hawkeyedriza: absolutelydestinysmood: nannajane: in 7 years its going to be the 20s again so we can bring back swing music and the aesthetics of that era but keep modern values who’s with me you can’t repeat the past can’t repeat the past? why, of course you can! of course you can.
ambassador-of-anguish: shouldertappingghosts: If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate...
lameborghini: life hack: be nice to people with a pool at their house
caobello: a haiku by jay gatsby old sport old sport old sport old sport old sport old sport old sport old sport old
swaggie2nope: i cant old sport understand old sport your accent
internetexplorers: we could be married with like 4 kids and i’d still be too scared to text you first
snarkreactors: I had my hands full but I needed to turn on my light so I just used my mouth and flicked the switch up with my tongue and then I realized uh oh
robbstarked: do you ever want to take a fictional character and hold them and hiss at the world “no you don’t understand this character DON’T TOUCH THEM.”
WHOPS HOW DID THIS HAPPEN, THE CAMERA JUST TURNED ON AND FILMED ME SINGING
Im not even remotely sorry
garlic-breadgasm: YOU DON’T OWE YOUR PARENTS ANYTHING IT WAS THEIR CHOICE TO HAVE, KEEP AND RAISE YOU BUT IT WASN’T YOUR CHOICE TO BE THEIR CHILD ANY EXPECTATIONS OR IDEALS THEY TRY AND ENFORCE ON YOU ARE BULLSHIT IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THEM THEY SHOULD ACCEPT THEIR CHILD AS THEY ARE NOT JUDGE THEM ON A MINOR DETAIL THAT DOESN’T AFFECT THEIR LIFE DO NOT FEEL BAD IF YOU AREN’T THE PERFECT...
dustinmathisen: repeating-serenity: my little brother wrote about me for school and this was one of the sentences he wrote. im sobbing “my sister is my role model because she can watch 12 years worth of law and order in 3 months” That’s sweet. It’s also just watching about 3-4 episodes a day. It would be awesome if you watched it all in one month. That’s 8 hours a day for 30 days straight....
josephbirdsong: nationalteendrunk: JENNY!!!! Jenny is everything I hope to be.
tardisity: The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
maxterbate: maxterbate: Why dont you guys want Yahoo to buy Tumblr? Free chocolate milk for everyone i have just been informed on this
poopflow: roughrimjob: meladoodle: she got a pussy like the grand canyon dry and sandy possibly filled with dead bodies
foxnewsofficial: i just did some math and i think yahoo are paying just over $10 per blog i’m very insulted
makkine: makkine: Oh my god this is giving me flashbacks to when Disney announced it was buying club penguin and there was a literal actual penguin protest in front of the clothes shop for like 4 hours straight I love society
yourendorphine: homophobic participating countries who didn’t show the gay kiss on eurovision must pay a fine because eurovision must be shown from beginning to end without cutting anything out and they are banned from eurovision for the next three years i am crying right now i love you europe
When my brother's in the shower...
-waiting for brother to get out of the shower-
-hears him singing-
me: will you quit singing?
me: QUIT SINGING. IT'S LAME
brother: WHEN I'M IN THE SHOWER, TWO THINGS GET TO BE FREE
brother: MY BALLS
brother: AND MY SOUL
turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: turnc0at: GUESS WHO GOT SOME APPLE FLAVOURED SHAMPOO WAIT NO I MEANT SCENTED DON’T WORRY IT TASTES LIKE APPLES TOO i just threw up